Answers to some pressing commmunication questions, as posed:
Q: Why do people ask “why are you so silent?” when one does not like talking in group situations? A: Only certain people are as you describe, the ones that process externally, meaning that they think aloud rather than internal processors, who think in their head before speaking. Additionally, people tend to think that other people are just like them; since they are comfortable speaking in group settings, they can’t understand a different perspective – that someone would be uncomfortable. (read more)
Q: As a man, how can I make a conversation with a woman more interesting? A: The best conversationalists are the ones that listen 80% of the time, and focus the conversation on the other person more than on themselves. When you ask the other person a question and they respond, instead of next launching into a story of your own on the subject, ask them a followup question that takes them deeper into their story, keeping them talking, and show interest by (read more)
Q: Is the need to “find oneself” hardwired into homosapiens, or is this a cultural paradigm imposed on us? A: The need to make a difference in the world, to have an impact during our short time here is hard wired in all species, nature’s way of insuring the continuation of any species. Let’s leave a little bit of ourselves behind in the next generation, thereby achieving immortality. So that part is biological.
Q: How can I tell if my nonverbal communication is wrong when trying to make friends? A: Your nonverbals communicate louder than your works, and if you are intimidating others/guys then your nonverbals are shouting “I am aggressive, strong and forceful” which is too much for many to want to deal with. Some nonverbals that telegraph this are: getting into their space (standing too close), getting into their face (way too close), large animated gestures, rapid continuous speech (no one can get a word in), little blinking (feels like staring), eyes looking up with head slightly lowered (telegraphs aggression). (read more)
Q: I look grumpy whenever I’m sitting or walking alone, I don’t even realize it until someone tells me. It’s repelling people away 🙁 Any advice? A: Just about everyone’s mouth turns down at the corners when at rest, making them look sad, mad, grumpy – not attractive, not approachable, not positive. So yes, as the other comments mention, the answer is to smile! Smiling when you’re alone is hard to remember to do. Not a big broad, full teeth smile, just a sweet small pulling up the corners of the mouth is enough. I call it “catch yourself smiling when no one is looking” (read more)
Q: I grew up alone, as I try to get close to people I panic and don’t allow myself to get comfortable. I don’t have many friends, what can I do? A: We panic when we aren’t prepared, then convince ourselves that we’re terrible about whatever we’re fretting about anyway, which turns into a self-fulfilling negative cycle. So the answer is to prepare in advance, practice so it comes ‘naturally’ and so you remember automatically and don’t have to worry about stumbling over your words.
I would develop and practice the following: (read more)