Picking up from the last post, here’s another way that communication is blocked while dismissing the other person’s concerns: logical arguing. Oh, I know you reasonable people love to argue logically, but what happens when you do? The other person does not feel properly understood. What using logic does is it highlights reason to the exclusion of emotion.
Teen: I hate school.
Parent: You hate school, why? What’s wrong?
Teen: I just hate it and I’m not going.
Parent: Well if you don’t go to school, you will be uneducated and will never get a decent job.
I hope you’re planning a future living in poverty.
Teen: Oh, stop already with the poverty lecture again!
Parent: It’s true; you can’t argue the facts. Without an education, statistically you won’t find gainful employment.
Teen: What a waste of time trying to talk to you…
Logic is an important part of rational thinking; we want our children to develop into rational intelligent thinkers, but emotions, not logic, drive most of decision interactions. Logic has little to do with language and even less to do with behavior. If logic were useful for persuading people to do things, everyone would eat a healthy diet and get enough exercise.
COMMUNICATION TAKEAWAY: When a situation is emotionally charged, logical thinking goes out the window, and providing logical solutions can be infuriating. When the discussion is heated and emotions are running high using logic tends to alienate rather than to help.
Logic in these times creates an emotional distance, since logic focuses on the facts and avoids feelings. When the child has a problem, or when the parent is the problem, feelings are the main issue. Using logic to avoid emotional involvement is communication withdrawal. And using logic when the other person is emotional is a sure way to roadblock the communication as the person does not feel at all understood.