You know who they are – those people who command a room with their supreme confidence.  They simply seem to know exactly what to do in every situation, to own the room and everyone in it.  Perhaps you’re one of them, or maybe you would like to be, or would like the child you’re raising to be.  So what constitutes confidence, and how to you get some, on command?

Napoleon Hill, who famously studied successful people, outlined 5 steps to self-confidence.  In a nutshell, his steps are:

1)      Have a definite purpose in life, then relentlessly pursue action towards attainment

2)      Think about the person you were meant to become (for 30 mins a day), knowing that positive thinking creates future physical reality

3)      Using trigger words, practice the habit of demanding self-confidence of yourself, for 10 mins each day

4)      Write down your life’s goal, then keep trying until you are self-confident enough to reach it

5)      Repeat positive affirmations daily until they saturate your thoughts and actions, making you more self-reliant, confident and successful

Much of his wisdom, first published in 1928, is not far off the mark of the same things being touted today.  Confidence, and how to get it, apparently hasn’t changed much in 85 years.

CONFIDENCE BUILDING TECHNIQUES

1.  Keep a confidence journal  (i.e. write it down)
2. Maintain confidence practice calendar with exercises and milestones for progress checks and positive reinforcement of positive behavior  (i.e. practice positive thinking exercises)
3. Visualize/rehearse/develop a trigger (i.e.  anchor a trigger movement to have confidence on command, to fire off whenever needed)
4. Program yourself (i.e. develop a ritual that becomes habitual, and eventually becomes part of you)
5. Practice affirmations in a mirror [saying “you” not “I”]
6. Develop the habit of outcome based thinking – visualize your success ahead of time (i.e. positive thinking becomes physical reality)
7. Create positive successful “memories” (once created, they become a resource to call upon)
8. Do an activity that is far outside your comfort zone [you can do anything you choose]
9. Borrow some confidence from someone you admire – model their behavior, act like they act
10. Imagine and write down where you’d like to be in five years [family, work, leisure time, friends, finances, etc.] (i.e. write down specific goals then relentlessly pursue them)

There you have it – a solid formula for achieving success with confidence!

COMMUNICATION TAKEAWAY: Building confidence does take a bit of work, like anything worth having does, but practice will yield results.  Not only will you build self-confidence, you will also communicate that confidence outward, which magnifies its effects exponentially; the more you express it externally, the greater it grows internally.  This is not about being boastful or obnoxiously egotistical – this is true confidence that comes within and needs no big show.   You can become that confident person who is just supremely comfortable with all aspects of who you are. 

Have a nice day became so ubiquitous and so obnoxious from overuse that I swore I would strangle the next person that uttered those meaningless four words in an attempt to, what? – Be pleasant?  Be familiar?  Overreach and be annoying?  This last unintentional communication is not true for everyone but for the “auditorys” among us, it became the reality.

There are many variations on the theme:

“Have a great day!”

“Have a Nice Day!”

“Have a wonderful weekend”

“Make it a great day”

“You (be sure to) have a nice day” (invoking “and who are you to tell me what to do?”)

And here’s a twist – when parting I heard, “Oh, will you do something for me?”, “Sure, what do you need?” (thinking there was a real request coming), “Be sure to have a good day”!  This two part version nearly sent me over the edge.

I love the line from the movie The Odd Life of Timothy Green when the husband says to the child “Have a good day (at school)” and the wife replies, “Oh that’s too much pressure on him!”  So the husband comes back with, “Have the day that you will have” Isn’t that a more accurate portrayal of what we mean, reflecting reality, if not our actual wishes.  Ca sera sera.

At this point in language development “Have a nice day” has been relegated to the totally expected and is at the point of no longer being actually heard.  So it is not longer obnoxious or even a genuine sentiment – it’s just something not unpleasant to say when leaving.  In fact, it has become so expected as just something to say that is unconsciously missed if it is not said.  And the correct response back, of course, is the obligatory “you too” which is similarly expected and not really heard.

“Have a nice day” is going the way of the now old-fashioned “How do you do?”  which was also once genuine, then became expected (no longer a real question, with an honest answer not desired, as no one really wants to know about the other person’s health ailments), then became unheard (i.e. the proper reply back to “How do you do?”  is the same rhetorical question back “How do you do?”).

So how do you really wish somebody well, when you want to make the sentiment genuine and not trite?  If you give it some good thought, you could develop some original material so the cliché is not invoked and your words are actually heard:

“It’s such a lovely day – I hope you’ll be enjoying the rest of it”

“Enjoy a few moments all to yourself today”

“I hope you are planning to add some fun to the rest of your day”

“What a wonderful day it is– enjoy!”

COMMUNICATION TAKEAWAY:  Much of our verbal language falls into habitual patterns that are easily delivered, needing little thought process.  While this communication is not meaningful, it’s easy, fairly pleasant, and doesn’t hurt anyone, so why not?  To stand out and be meaningful, giving just a little thought, expending a little extra mental energy, delivered with a genuine degree of caring, can really brighten up the regular monotony of someone’s day.  So why not?

We resent people because of the ‘what’s in it for me’ factor.  So many people internalize what other people say, even though the comment wasn’t directed at or meant as a reflection on them.  They just can’t help wondering if the other person thinks the same thing about them or how they stack up in comparison to the comment just made.

Quick quiz – You hear: “John did a nice job on that project.”  Do you immediately think –

A)     John really did do a nice job; he is very talented.

B)      John did a nice job, yes, but last week I also did a great job, if anyone happened to notice.

C)      I could have done just as well or and an even better job than John, if given the chance.

All of these responses are very common, noting that two of the three are inwardly focused on WIIFM.  Rationally we know that a comment on John’s work is unrelated to our work (assume this is true and you’re not on the same team or in the exact same job) but often we can’t help but reflect inwardly and apply the same standards to ourselves.  This is because we are competitive (aka ‘survival of the fittest’ thank you, Darwin) and we are social – we not only are compelled to stack ourselves up against others, we like to surpass them when possible.  And we resent them when we can’t, especially if we think they have an unfair advantage.

This resentment can make communication difficult – how can you communicate with someone who bears you a grudge, warranted or not?  “If you would just let me explain…” you feebly offer onto deaf ears.  Often people who resent others can’t/won’t listen – to reason or anything else.  Emotion rules.

I am very different from everyone in the family I married into, and not in a beloved sort of way.   Well, over time you do grow on people, but initially it wasn’t easy, on a then 19-year-old.  I was, and am still, a very active person who takes on more than I should, in a constant quest for ceaseless productivity.  Hmmm…somehow this makes (some) people uncomfortable.  My low energy sister-in-law said under her breath one day while I was visiting, “What is she working on NOW” and I knew then that I would be resented by her for probably my entire life.

Resentment is defined as “bitter indignation at having been [or perceived to have been] treated unfairly”.   While I have no doubt that my SIL resents me – my energy, my productivity – as a perceived negative reflection on what she isn’t, still I ask the universe: how exactly can I be the source of her resentment, since I have zero blame for whatever treated her unfairly?  Maybe you think she is merely jealous, but that’s not it because given a choice, she wouldn’t choose to be me, to live my life.  No, she’s not jealous; she just resents me for living it and for apparently enjoying it!

COMMUNICATION TAKEAWAY:  Remember that the tendency is to internalize much of what is heard and seen, so if you are capable, you can be resented without ever knowing or intending for it to happen.  When someone resents you, either overtly or covertly, the best way to deal with it is always the direct way, head on.  Ask them to help you understand why there is friction between you and see if you can logic your way to a resolution.   That is, only if you care enough about the person to do so, because it’s not comfortable to be confrontational, even in a nonthreatening way.  Resentment is a weed in the garden of communication that must be gotten rid of if communication is to flourish.

According to Edgar Dale with the Cone of Learning, if you are an adult you remember:

20% of what you hear (i.e. a teacher telling lesson)

70% of what you say (i.e. you repeating back what you learned)

90% of what you say and then do (i.e. you create and give a demonstration)

This data reinforces what we already know:  the more senses that we use when we associate with something, the more connections we have to the memory to retrieve it.

Another study suggests that we remember:

12 ½ – 20% of what we read (i.e. a book)

40% of what we hear (i.e. an audio book)

60% of what we see and hear together (i.e. you tube video)

80% if we interact with the media (i.e. video game)

Although the second set of numbers is different from the first set, the trend is still the same.  Both studies suggest that in learning or non-learning environments, the more senses that we use, the more that we retain in memory.  Our enjoyment factor also is enhanced by bringing in more senses.

All very interesting, but what does this have to do with communication skills?  Well if you know these “rules” you can use them to best advantage in a relationship to make sure that your important points get across.  If you simply tell something to someone that you want them to remember, there’s only a 20 to 40% chance that they will actually remember it.  So if it’s really important to you that they remember, you might want to add a few more senses to boost their memory retention.

What most people do instead is to repeat it several times, “Are you going to remember what I just told you?”, “Yes”, “Are you sure you’re going to remember?”, “I said I would.”, “Somehow I just don’t get the feeling that you’re going to remember…”, “I’ll remember already – stop nagging me about it!”  This just proves annoying and actually not helpful for remembering.

How about if you write it down and give the person a note to take with them?  Is that helpful?  Since you wrote it and they didn’t, the person that needs to remember would be better served to write the note themselves, hitting a couple of senses.  And if you dictate what to write out loud slowly and they then put the note somewhere where they will see it later that’s most helpful.

Visual memory aids should be used as much as possible.  But usually we’re too proud to resort to such tricks, saying “I’ll remember – I have a great memory” then we move on and wonder why we forgot!  Giving ourselves in advantage with the memory aid should be par for the course in this hectic, hustle bustle world we live in today.  Post-it notes on your steering wheel, a box to be mailed right in front of the door, even the old-fashioned string on the finger are all good examples of things purposefully out of place to remind us to do something.

A routine is also a memory help.  Where did you leave your keys?  If you’re in the habit of always putting them on the hook instead of wherever you drop them you will always know where they are when you need them. When my son was young he was forever misplacing his school book bag.  I tried to help but he would not get into the habit of putting his book bag in one designated place when he came home from school.  Habits can be so hard to break, especially when not developing the habit results in negative attention, which is better than no attention at all.  Once that was recognized as the real problem, the solution of withdrawing attention on the undesirable behavior and letting the logical consequence follow solved the problem.

COMMUNICATION TAKEAWAY:  Rather than getting frustrated and angry at people for not remembering what you clearly communicated, instead help them to remember by thinking to attach your important information to as many senses as possible – sing it in a song? Have it written on crazy paper?  If it’s very important, go a little nuts since outlandish, which is the definition of being out of place, is most memorable.

We live in a youth obsessed, youth driven culture.  Everywhere around us screams the message – be young! Stay young! Young rules! We do not revere our elderly for their experience and maturity as some other cultures do. We tuck the old away in nursing homes and assisted living complexes and rarely visit. We don’t want the reminder of what we will all become someday. Instead we relish our youth and try to extend it for as long as possible.

Our media promotes the idea of the power being young. Reality TV shows champion outrageous antics of young people with shows like teen moms, toddler beauty pageants, and someone named Honey boo-boo (or something like that? – Never seen it). Hollywood, magazines, the music industry all collude to convince us that young is in and old is out.  The reasons for maintaining a youthful culture are all monetary – changing fashions, changing ideas, money changing hands.

As baby boomers, the biggest generation in numbers, age up the new slogan is “50 is the new 30” which means that “60 is the new 40” and so on.  It’s true that we are living longer, but apparently we want to live younger not just longer. So how does youth get communicated?  There are four primary factors that determine how old a person is perceived to be, all of them somewhat in your control to some degree.

The biggest factor in determining someone’s age is their gait and overall flexibility of motion.  In observing how energetically someone walks and moves gives an immediate impression of age. With the mind-body link a flexible body indicates a flexible mind, as indeed inflexible thinking is a trait of older people. When the energy of youth is displayed as vitality in older people, they are automatically viewed as younger than their actual years.

Hair is a big factor in determining age, but not just any hair coloring job that covers gray will do. To appear youthful hair must not be flat or dry.  Flat hair without some volume screams “I’m old and my hair is thinning”; flat hair without highlights states “look at my unnatural dye job”. Men have the wonderful option of shaving their heads, which is very trendy and they should take. Being bald, once a scourge, is now preferable over slowly going bald ungracefully (i.e. comb-over, Bozo the clown look, etc.)

The TV show ‘Look 10 Years Younger’ was a great testimonial of the impact of clothing on the perception of age.  The show basically took a decade of time off of the victim’s appearance in a couple of hours.  This was primarily achieved by changing the clothing to a younger look from the dowdy clothes they were previously wearing. How do you dress your age but embrace your youth?  The key is to stay on the upper fringes of the lower generation’s fashion so you receive the benefits but don’t go crazy.  Conservative dressing is older dressing.  While there is comfort in your older “uniform”, adding a few key accessory pieces to the mix keeps your hand in a fashion game. Fashion by definition is youthful.

The fourth factor, one that is hard to change immediately, is skin:  skintone and wrinkling are obvious signs of age.  What is the difference between a young person’s bright skin and older person’s dull skin?  A nice layer of fat or toned muscle that puffs up skin that would otherwise hang limp and eventually wrinkle.  Skin is our largest organ and renews itself completely every  3 weeks.  Like the rest of our body, skin is a product of what we eat, more accurately what we drink. To maintain great skin it needs to be moisturized from the outside and from the inside.  Drink lots of water to moisturize from the inside.   Use lotion daily after a hot shower or bath when skins pores are open to drink in external moisture.  And get good sleep – rest is very important for skin renewal.

These factors taken together work quickly in everyone’s mind to determine a person’s perceived age. With those perceptions come preconceived notions of capability.  While there are jobs that an older appearance is respected and even demanded for credibility, for the most part youth is preferred over aged.

COMMUNICATION TAKEAWAY:  The primary advantage of appearing youthful is that youth is more attractive and attractiveness kicks in the halo effect.  The halo effect deems that attractive people possess all the positive attributes.  True or not true if you want to be considers smarter, more capable, curious, mentally healthy, then you will take on a more youthful appearance (without going radical).

Communication is easy – right?  Or it should be – again, correct?  Not if you aren’t approachable it isn’t; at least not for the other person.  “But of course I’m approachable”, you reply – hmm… are you sure?  Always?  “Well, I try to be.”  How do you know if you really are approachable?

First of all, ‘try’ is a weasel word, whether stated internally to ourselves or externally to others.  Try really means ‘permission to fail’.  Think about it – every time you say “I’ll try to make it”, “I’ll try harder”, “Well, at least I tried” you are letting yourself off the hook.  If you tell yourself to try to do something, know that deep down, you aren’t giving it your best effort; you are allowing the possibility that it’s not going to happen, which then becomes the reality.  Once the idea of not completing enters, forces move to complete the cycle.  Try is a dangerous thought to kill certainty.  It should change to “I will” which doesn’t weasel out of anything.

Secondly, why should you want to be approachable?  Why is it such an obviously bad thing?  The thought of not being approachable conjures up images of a hard, solitary, gruff person who is so individualistic as to be a hermit or a prisoner of circumstances.  And there are obviously varying degrees of exile, whether self-imposed or societal imposed.  And since we are so culturally driven to get along with others for our team survival, being unapproachable is not helpful to social or work success.  We need others and we need to communicate well with them.

We are not approachable when we decide that we are 100% right and there is no swaying from that obvious fact.  When this pattern becomes ingrained, the you-can’t-tell-him-a-thing-because-he-knows-it-all type, you are deemed unapproachable.  People steer clear of these types as hard to get along with.  Often parents fall into this pattern of thinking they are 100% right and the child knows nothing.  Whenever I would ask “why?” my father’s standard response was “Because I said so, that’s why” instead of treating me with the respect of potentially being able to understand.

We are not approachable when we talk too fast and the other person can’t get a word in edgewise.  It becomes unpleasant to hold a one-way ‘conversation’ with a language hog that barely breathes within a volley of words that come gushing out.

We are not approachable when our body language screams of a negative emotion, primarily of anger.  Obviously the fear is that the angry person will lash out and vent their anger on you if you approach to interact.  How about the person who is just unhappy and appears angry much of the time?  Hard to approach by definition.

We are not approachable when we put up unconscious barriers to all or certain people – usually the ones that know us well – that make it hard if not impossible to get in.  These barriers can be high expectations, withholding of positive emotions like love and pride, or refusal to develop closeness.

Once we recognize that approachability is an issue with some or all of the people in our lives, the cure to the disease is have an open discussion with the person about the problem as recognized.  And if the problem is with everyone then the discussion needs to be with yourself.  When parents aren’t approachable in the eyes of their children, communication is impossible.

COMMUNICATION TAKEAWAY:  If we look closely, we know that at certain times or with certain people or on certain subjects we are simply not approachable.  If this is a problem to be addressed, discussing it head on is the avenue to change.   The hard part is when this pattern of thinking becomes habitual and is harder to recognize it in ourselves.  It becomes part of who we are (nasty?  mean?  unlikable?  Just to certain people?  Just to our kids?), which takes work to unwind and work to bring about a desired change.

Of course advertising, by definition exists to communicate a message to the viewer.  However the average viewer is basically lazy in their thinking and ‘trusts’ the printed word. Somehow we don’t think to challenge what we see in print and turn our thinking off from questioning the potential truth of the written statement. There also truth in advertising laws to protect us, so we’re lulled into believing that we are safe. But what we aren’t safe from is when the advertising is indeed true but still misleading because the premise behind the concepts is fuzzy. This fuzziness can lead to intentionally misleading communication – buyer beware!

What got me thinking about this was an ad by Panera for their “low fat” black cherry smoothie – “just 290 calories”.  If anyone thinks that 290 calories for a drink is good, I wonder about their overall health! A true low calorie drink would be less than 50 calories per 8 ounces. At 290 calories that drink is just under half of the full calorie intake of a full meal.   But we are fooled by the words “just” and don’t really know what the calorie standard is for the drink portion of a meal.  As far as smoothies go, the “just” is warranted as some smoothies can top out at twice that calorie count, but then a smoothie goes over 600 calories ought to be replacing a meal.

When the words ‘low-fat’, ‘just __ calories’, and ‘smoothie’ are all included on the same ad our brain interprets these words together in a pattern that translates into ‘healthy’, ‘nutritional’ (hey, a smoothie is fruit which is good for you, right?), ‘eating right’ (good for you).  And so the ad communicates as intended, in complete truth, to get you to buy the product.  But the fuzzy part is what is the low-fat compared to?  Fries or potato chips?  Absolutely low-fat, against those standards.  But we really don’t know how much fat is ‘low’; we are just told it is low-fat.  There’s nothing to disagree with and our brain turns off.

Now I’m not saying that Panera serves junk food or unhealthy food or food that isn’t nutritious.  The point is that all advertising wants you to blindly believe in the message they are communicating which is heavily skewed in one direction – getting you to buy.

COMMUNICATION TAKEAWAY:  Advertising relies on consumers turning off their thinking brains and believing the written word.  Be wary of the mental manipulation often used in communicating the message.  The words can be wholly truthful and yet deceptive because the underlying concepts are conveniently fuzzy.  Because our thinking patterns are easily predictable, we are easily fooled when we disengage our thinking.

How powerful is silence?  So often we rush to fill the void left when the talking ceases and there is a lull in the conversation, but is the absence of words really such a bad thing?  Why are we uncomfortable with silence?  We are so uncomfortable, at times, that we fill the noise gap by saying something we shouldn’t say.  And often we know it’s a mistake, because we then backpedal with, “I probably shouldn’t have said that” to which the response is, “Too late!  It’s already out now!”

Perhaps the silence is due to the person needing a minute to think.  Or perhaps it is purposeful and you have touched upon in unwanted topic of discussion.  Silence could also be due to the person not paying attention and not hearing the question or remark.  Another time is when the other person simply has nothing to say, either overcome with emotion or entirely spent on the subject.

When there is silence, the person expecting to hear a response looks up to see what’s ‘wrong’.  This is where the look they see, because now they are really scrutinizing the other person’s face, can speak volumes.  With the right look PLUS SILENCE, there is so much communicated.   And since the right look can really say it all, why then ruin it with words?  How about that look like your father gave you and you knew exactly what he was saying without him having to say a single word?  Or your teacher in school when you were being disruptive? Or your boss when something is wrong?

What about e-mail silence? There’s another communication channel when silence can speak volumes. When you don’t hear back from an e-mail that you think you have allowed adequate time on – what’s the message?  It can be that a) the other person is too busy to respond right away, b) the other person is simply forgetful, or c) the silence is purposeful.  Another big problem with e-mail is you actually don’t really know if the other person even received your e-mail, which explains the silence, but you don’t know it.  Email silence can be deafening.

Of course phone silence is a whole other story.  Without being able to see an accompanying look, phone silence can indicate any of a number of things – disapproval, disappointment, confusion, or uncertainty.

COMMUNICATION TAKEAWAY: Silence is a very powerful way to communicate.  Once the power that silence has is fully recognized, it should be put to work.  But the greater tendency is to ignore that power and instead feel uncomfortable with silence.  Getting comfortable in communicating with silence is a good skill and indicates good rapport with the person whose company is enjoyed quietly.  You don’t always need words to communicate. 

Perhaps you are familiar with the story of Dani the deer – or Indiana’s headline grabbing fawn.  The heartwarming story is that three years ago a couple found an injured and orphaned deer that had been bitten several times and was near death. This humane couple nursed her back to health; with plans to release her eventually back into the wild, which they did 30 months later.

Then the story takes a turn for the worse as because of their kind deed the couple has been charged with a misdemeanor of illegal possession of a whitetail deer.  They are facing 60 days in jail each and a $500 fine if convicted, even though they no longer have the deer at this point. The governor of the state is even involved and is backing the natural resources department in their charges against the couple.

While this seems like an easy case of “don’t you have anything better to do in your job, Governor?”  and a little more drama than is warranted, scratching beneath the surface it’s apparent that the real issue here is communicating through behavior. Although public sympathy is with the kind hearted couple who risked injury and potential disease dealing with a wild animal for 2 1/2 years, the state is bound and determined to send a message to all the other citizens that this particular kind hearted behavior is not to be rewarded or encouraged.

There are lots of examples of communicating through our behavior the message we are reluctance to openly state, for any of a number of reasons. It simply wouldn’t be politically correct to announce the real agenda behind certain behavior and so we smooth it over with something that is more palatable. ‘We would love to help you beat this rap, kind couple, but our hands are tied – it’s simply the law.’ When they know full well that if they let that couple off it would be setting a precedent for others to follow which could open a Pandora’s box that might be impossible to close.

COMMUNICATION TAKEAWAY:  Sometimes we choose the indirect route on communication when the direct route is undesirable.  This is not about morals or ethics per se, it’s more about cowardice and ineptitude  – icky behavior is hard to defend; it’s just easier to hide behind the law.

As a communication aficionado I was saddened to learn that dozens of states are no longer requiring the teaching of cursive writing to elementary school students. Understandably, with limited classroom time and realistic skills needed to be taught in schools, teaching handwriting is being let go in favor of teaching keyboarding.  Still it’s a sad development on many fronts.   While this decision not require the teaching of cursive is unanimously popular among students – probably because they can’t read their teacher’s comments in the margins of their papers – the kids really don’t know what they’re missing.

In the not too distant future, grandmothers will write birthday cards to grandchildren who will not be able to be read them.  Old documents like the Declaration of Independence will be unreadable.  Who will fondly interpret old family recipes passed down through the ages?  Will white boards, dry erase boards, and note paper diminish in use, or be relegated to merely drawings?

In this day and age of electronic communication handwriting has become quaintly dated.  It used to be that only your doctor’s handwriting was illegible (with the potential for prescription mix-ups).   And admittedly with diminishing fine motor skills, the handwriting of the elderly is hard to read.  But what fun trying!

This is from an old postcard written in 1942 – although I had a mild bit of trouble reading it, my 26-yr old daughter stumbled repeatedly trying to get through this short piece and just about gave up trying.  Too much work for too little gain!

Kids today just don’t have enough exposure to cursive writing to be able to tough their way through the hard stuff.  The quality of handwritten thank you notes from teenagers is terrible – they are just too used to texting and are out of practice with cursive, which is debatable if they were ever in good practice in the first place.  Plus the “right now” generation lacks patience to read longhand – where are the shortcuts?  OMG, r u 4 real?

Typical handwriting is actually a mixture of print and cursive letters, connected together in spurts, with some letters hooked together and some not.  But those linked shapes and loops connect to the brain in ways that repetitive motion of keyboarding cannot.   New students to English, foreign learners, state that they learn grammar better  by practicing cursive.  Certainly this is true of tactile, hands-on learners.  We simply retain more of what we touch with additional senses.  Writing in longhand touches the 3 major senses – sight, hearing (hear the word spoken in our head as they are formed), and touch.

Fondly do I remember having such beautiful penmanship in 5^th grade that I won the right (there was an actual contest!) to be one of the chosen few to pen a get well letter to a hospitalized classmate.  His name and malady is long forgotten, but the pride and confidence boost that came with pretty handwriting is long remembered.   To lose an avenue to boost youngsters, who can use all the avenues to boost confidence that they can get, is a shame.

With the loss of handwriting is the loss of identifying signatures.  As a sign of the times, the necessity for signatures is quickly being replaced with digital signatures; by 2016 it is projected that more than half of loan closing paperwork will be done electronically.  The intimidating one-inch stack of papers that embodied the serious legality of the largest investment most people make in their lives will no longer require a half hour of inked effort, when digital signature become the norm.  And payment by checks is all but gone – who needs to sign anything anymore?

But losing a signature is losing a big piece of one’s identity.  Our unique signature, especially the unique formation of the first letter of the first name, is an expressed statement in and of itself of who we are.  Our signature communicates our character for the world to see.  The problem is, this form of communication is becoming obsolete.

COMMUNICATION TAKEAWAY:    Our communication methods keep evolving.  Now in the digital age, cursive handwriting is one form that has greatly diminished in usage, partly due to the time it takes, partly due to the legibility, or lack of legibility of many people’s handwriting, and largely due to the electronics we have today that makes handwriting obsolete.  Knowing this, we can use written notes to make a strong point, stand out with a meaningful thank you note, write a treasured letter.  What was once commonplace can today become a very special way to communicate.